Earlier this month, I wrote "The Consequences of Loosing a Loved One - Part 1". And with that, my mother sent me, my brother and sister a message as a response to my post. And with her permission, I decided to share it with you for you to have a glimpse on the confessions of a widow. Mind you, this is the first time that we really discussed about the loss of our father...
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| Photo by vincent BOCOGNANI |
- Mama: Hi Hon, good job on your blog. I am so proud of you as a writer. The same goes to Kuya and Ate who also can write well. Did you know that Papa could also write well. It runs in your blood.
- Ate:
Mamalou!!! YES!! Papa really writes well!
XXX We miss you Mamalou!Mama:Some facts you may not know about Papa's insurance. He had 2 insurance policies - one was the regular and the other was term insurance which had more face value. The last one we bought was the term insurance when we were still in Pusok. We felt that the first policy was not enough for contingencies so we decided to get the term as it had cheaper premiums but more value. I made sure that policies were paid on time including mine even when we were already experiencing financial difficulties . We also got one for Kuya; he being the oldest, which we deemed would be beneficial later, for several reasons. That was the policy I turned over to Kuya as a wedding present so he can continue paying it.Mama:As for the CAP colllege plans, Papa and I wanted the three of you to finish college and earn degrees at all cost. Those are the only gifts that we can give you that cannot be stolen. I applied as CAP Advisor and that allowed me to get discounted premiums. Kuya's age at that time was way beyond the qualifying age for the coverage so it was only Ate and Honhon who had college plans. - Mama:
Earning a college diploma was a big thing for Papa and me. We both came from poor families. You may not know this and Papa has always kept this away from you. He has not finshed a college degree; he finished a vocational course ( 2 year Secretarial Course) in Mindoro and he worked at the same to support himself. He was away from LT and his sisters who were in Cebu. Papa stayed with her Auntie who was maried to a lawyer in San Jose Occidental Mindoro and worked in his aunt's store, even baking cakes. - Mama:
So, now you would understand why Papa was against your getting a job and at the same time study; because he has been through that. He wanted all of you to concentrate on your studies , just be full- time students and do your share so you can earn the degrees that you really like. With that, we are optimistic that your future will at least be secured as you are ready to face the challenges of finding jobs or putting up your own business. - Ate:Yes Mamalou, I remember those. And definitely appreciative of that. That is one thing we pride ourselves of, to have you guys as parents. To have taught us what we needed to survive and no matter how down we get in life, we will always make it because you have molded us to become survivors and rise when we fall. So a huge KUDOS to you and Papa. Ask Ray to pat you at the back when he gets there. LOVE YOU MAMALOU!!!! XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX MWAH!!!!!
- Mama:We hope we have have not failed you on this aspect. We are proud of what you are now. Papa may not be with us physically, but I feel that he is happy where he is now. We just miss him so much.
Ate:Awwww ... It is obvious that you and Papa have not failed Mamalou!!! I may have gone astray but you guys did not fail XXXXHoneycomb:Yes Ma. I knew that LT was referring to a TERM insurance and I also know about the smaller face amount insurance. She mentioned that to me when she was looking after me after I gave birth to Rayne. And that was a significant story to me that's why I decided to take it..But was LT correct? What she said to me? That Papa got the term insurance a few months before he was diagnosed with his lung cancer?- As for Papa not finishing college, I knew about that before hand.. And I really appreciated the fact that Papa did not allow me to be a working student. I saw the challenges that my batch mates were in as working students...And as Ate said it, you and Papa did not fail us... :)
- Mama:We got his term insurance several years before Papa was diagnosed with Cancer. We had to look ahead for your future . .
- Honeycomb:
Ah! Okay! Got that.. Thanks Ma! And because of those decisions that you and Papa made, that's why I chose to make a career out of this to help educate the people of the importance of having one..By the way, did you get what I meant at the last part? About Sir Tony Boy??He passed away sometime August or September, I think. - Mama:
Oh No?, may he rest in peace. . .What was the cause of death? He was instrumental in introducing Papa to life insurance. In fact, Papa had another life insurance which lapsed and it was too late when he knew about it. He got a loan on the policy, forgot to make any payment and he was just notified that it has lapsed..Did you go to his wake? - Honeycomb:
Wasn't able to do so coz I learned about it a few days after..i just prayed for him... - Kuya:
Hi Ma,We all know that you have raised 3 good kidsAnd were very proud of having you as our parents.The lessons you have taught us have brought us a very long way on being independent and responsible.Love and kisses,Kuya :) - Mama:
Papa and I are blessed, and I am happy that you have grown up to be independent, responsible and courageous individuals despite our lack of physical presence to guide and support you in all your trials and endeavors. This, I have to ask your forgiveness for leaving you on your own after Papa's death. Looking back, that was the only way I knew at that time so I can continue to support your financial needs and finish your studies. I could not continue operation of our business and there was no possible employment for me there. Leaving was the only option, although it hurt me so much. When I came to California in 2002 , I suffered for months from depression without me knowing it; I just lost Papa. I could not sleep continuously for several weeks and cried most of the time, being away from you and still looking for jobs to support myself and save something to send you for your needs.Thank God, that is over. Now, I look forward to retirement so I can be with you and my grandchildren. That time will come and it won't be that long. Miss you all.Love, Hugs and Kisses,Mama
- ==============================================================*Some parts were edited just to be consistent with the English language.Some of the things I highlighted:1. I made sure that policies were paid on time including mine even when we were already experiencing financial difficulties.All I could say is that my mother knew her priorities... She knew that she was investing her money on the right item.These days, I meet parents who haven't really determined what their priorities are. They would say that they don't have money, but I see them going on expensive vacations, buying the latest "fruit", having expensive hobbies... My question is, will these provide for your family the moment you are gone? Will these address your financial worries when emergencies arise? Basically, a mismatch is happening. They want the "best" for their families, but their actions say a different thing. How about you? Are you a mismatch or you know your priorities?2. This, I have to ask your forgiveness for leaving you on your own after Papa's death. Looking back, that was the only way I knew at that time so I can continue to support your financial needs and finish your studies. I could not continue operation of our business and there was no possible employment for me there. Leaving was the only option, although it hurt me so much. When I came to California in 2002 , I suffered for months from depression without me knowing it; I just lost Papa. I could not sleep continuously for several weeks and cried most of the time, being away from you and still looking for jobs to support myself and save something to send you for your needs.Even though we received the life insurance proceeds from my Papa's policies, it wasn't enough to last us with the loss of the breadwinner. IF EVER the proceeds were bigger, then my mother wouldn't have had to make those painful decisions.Lesson is, while insurance is not yet a must-have in your budget and you are still healthy enough, load yourself up. So that when the time comes that you have come to appreciate it's purpose, it's already part of your portfolio. Not something that you wish you could have but couldn't...To all the mothers and fathers out there. The next time you encounter a situation wherein you have to decide on how to go about your expenses, remember my mother. She is a widow. She made a tough decision of leaving us just to provide for us. Don't let it happen to your family. Don't let your kids feel the drastic changes when you're out of the picture already.Loosing a parent is tough enough, loosing both because the surviving spouse had to leave the kids just to provide for basic needs is something we can do something about. Know your priorities. I have set mine. How about you?We at Honeycomb, can help you on that. So, contact us here.
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