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Earlier this month, I wrote "The Consequences of Loosing a Loved One - Part 1". And with that, my mother sent me, my brother and sister a message as a response to my post. And with her permission, I decided to share it with you for you to have a glimpse on the confessions of a widow. Mind you, this is the first time that we really discussed about the loss of our father...

Photo by vincent BOCOGNANI

• Mama: Hi Hon, good job on your blog. I am so proud of you as a writer. The same goes to Kuya and Ate who also can write well. Did you know that Papa could also write well. It runs in your blood.
  
• Ate:

  
  

  Mamalou!!! YES!! Papa really writes well!  XXX We miss you Mamalou!

  
  

  
  

  Mama:

  Some facts you may not know about Papa's insurance. He had 2 insurance policies - one was the regular and the other was term insurance which had more face value. The last one we bought was the term insurance when we were still in Pusok. We felt that the first policy was not enough for contingencies so we decided to get the term as it had cheaper premiums but more value. I made sure that policies were paid on time including mine even when we were already experiencing financial difficulties . We also got one for Kuya; he being the oldest, which we deemed would be beneficial later, for several reasons. That was the policy I turned over to Kuya as a wedding present so he can continue paying it.

  
  

  Mama:

  As for the CAP colllege plans, Papa and I wanted the three of you to finish college and earn degrees at all cost. Those are the only gifts that we can give you that cannot be stolen. I applied as CAP Advisor and that allowed me to get discounted premiums. Kuya's age at that time was way beyond the qualifying age for the coverage so it was only Ate and Honhon who had college plans.
• Mama:
  
  

  Earning a college diploma was a big thing for Papa and me. We both came from poor families. You may not know this and Papa has always kept this away from you. He has not finshed a college degree; he finished a vocational course ( 2 year Secretarial Course) in Mindoro and he worked at the same to support himself. He was away from LT and his sisters who were in Cebu. Papa stayed with her Auntie who was maried to a lawyer in San Jose Occidental Mindoro and worked in his aunt's store, even baking cakes.
• Mama: 

  
  

  So, now you would understand why Papa was against your getting a job and at the same time study; because he has been through that. He wanted all of you to concentrate on your studies , just be full- time students and do your share so you can earn the degrees that you really like. With that, we are optimistic that your future will at least be secured as you are ready to face the challenges of finding jobs or putting up your own business.
• Ate: 
  Yes Mamalou, I remember those. And definitely appreciative of that. That is one thing we pride ourselves of, to have you guys as parents. To have taught us what we needed to survive and no matter how down we get in life, we will always make it because you have molded us to become survivors and rise when we fall. So a huge KUDOS to you and Papa. Ask Ray to pat you at the back when he gets there. LOVE YOU MAMALOU!!!! XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX MWAH!!!!!
  
• Mama:
  We hope we have have not failed you on this aspect. We are proud of what you are now. Papa may not be with us physically, but I feel that he is happy where he is now. We just miss him so much.
  
• 
  

  Ate:

  Awwww ... It is obvious that you and Papa have not failed Mamalou!!! I may have gone astray but you guys did not fail  XXXX

  
  

  Honeycomb:

  Yes Ma. I knew that LT was referring to a TERM insurance and I also know about the smaller face amount insurance. She mentioned that to me when she was looking after me after I gave birth to Rayne. And that was a significant story to me that's why I decided to take it.. 

  
  

  But was LT correct? What she said to me? That Papa got the term insurance a few months before he was diagnosed with his lung cancer?
• As for Papa not finishing college, I knew about that before hand.. And I really appreciated the fact that Papa did not allow me to be a working student. I saw the challenges that my batch mates were in as working students...

  And as Ate said it, you and Papa did not fail us... :)
• Mama:
  We got his term insurance several years before Papa was diagnosed with Cancer. We had to look ahead for your future . .
  
• Honeycomb:

  
  

  Ah! Okay! Got that.. Thanks Ma! And because of those decisions that you and Papa made, that's why I chose to make a career out of this to help educate the people of the importance of having one..

  By the way, did you get what I meant at the last part? About Sir Tony Boy??

  He passed away sometime August or September, I think.
• Mama:

  
  

  Oh No?, may he rest in peace. . .What was the cause of death? He was instrumental in introducing Papa to life insurance. In fact, Papa had another life insurance which lapsed and it was too late when he knew about it. He got a loan on the policy, forgot to make any payment and he was just notified that it has lapsed..

  Did you go to his wake?
• Honeycomb:

  
  

  Wasn't able to do so coz I learned about it a few days after..

  i just prayed for him...
• Kuya:

  
  

  Hi Ma,

  We all know that you have raised 3 good kids And were very proud of having you as our parents.

  The lessons you have taught us have brought us a very long way on being independent and responsible.

  Love and kisses,

  Kuya :)
• Mama:

  
  

  Papa and I are blessed, and I am happy that you have grown up to be independent, responsible and courageous individuals despite our lack of physical presence to guide and support you in all your trials and endeavors. This, I have to ask your forgiveness for leaving you on your own after Papa's death. Looking back, that was the only way I knew at that time so I can continue to support your financial needs and finish your studies. I could not continue operation of our business and there was no possible employment for me there. Leaving was the only option, although it hurt me so much. When I came to California in 2002 , I suffered for months from depression without me knowing it; I just lost Papa. I could not sleep continuously for several weeks and cried most of the time, being away from you and still looking for jobs to support myself and save something to send you for your needs.

  Thank God, that is over. Now, I look forward to retirement so I can be with you and my grandchildren. That time will come and it won't be that long. Miss you all.

  Love, Hugs and Kisses,

  Mama

• ==============================================================

  *Some parts were edited just to be consistent with the English language. 

  
  

  Some of the things I highlighted:

  1. I made sure that policies were paid on time including mine even when we were already experiencing financial difficulties. 

  All I could say is that my mother knew her priorities... She knew that she was investing her money on the right item. 

  These days, I meet parents who haven't really determined what their priorities are. They would say that they don't have money, but I see them going on expensive vacations, buying the latest "fruit", having expensive hobbies... My question is, will these provide for your family the moment you are gone? Will these address your financial worries when emergencies arise? Basically, a mismatch is happening. They want the "best" for their families, but their actions say a different thing. How about you? Are you a mismatch or you know your priorities?

  
  

  2. This, I have to ask your forgiveness for leaving you on your own after Papa's death. Looking back, that was the only way I knew at that time so I can continue to support your financial needs and finish your studies. I could not continue operation of our business and there was no possible employment for me there. Leaving was the only option, although it hurt me so much. When I came to California in 2002 , I suffered for months from depression without me knowing it; I just lost Papa. I could not sleep continuously for several weeks and cried most of the time, being away from you and still looking for jobs to support myself and save something to send you for your needs. 

  Even though we received the life insurance proceeds from my Papa's policies, it wasn't enough to last us with the loss of the breadwinner. IF EVER the proceeds were bigger, then my mother wouldn't have had to make those painful decisions. 

  Lesson is, while insurance is not yet a must-have in your budget and you are still healthy enough, load yourself up. So that when the time comes that you have come to appreciate it's purpose, it's already part of your portfolio. Not something that you wish you could have but couldn't...

  To all the mothers and fathers out there. The next time you encounter a situation wherein you have to decide on how to go about your expenses, remember my mother. She is a widow. She made a tough decision of leaving us just to provide for us. Don't let it happen to your family. Don't let your kids feel the drastic changes when you're out of the picture already. 

  Loosing a parent is tough enough, loosing both because the surviving spouse had to leave the kids just to provide for basic needs is something we can do something about. Know your priorities. I have set mine. How about you? 

  We at Honeycomb, can help you on that. So, contact us here.

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Visited my Papa the other day at his final resting place somewhere here in Cebu. Several things went through my head during our recent visit. And this post is about those things.

Photo by my dear brother, Papa Jo

Remembering Papa

My Papa passed away after loosing his fight with cancer sometime in 2001. He was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer in 2000, underwent chemotherapy and all the necessary treatment for several months. Surgery wasn't an option for his case because there was this big lump between his lungs and heart wherein the doctors where afraid that if they do take the lump out, my father might not make it after the surgery.

I really can't remember all the details of his condition that time as I was busy being a 2nd year college student amidst other problems at that time. It was my sister who would regularly accompany him to his doctors.

When he succumbed to his fight to the big C, the following items describe our family condition:
- I was about to enter my 3rd year in college;
- My sister recently gave birth to her first born, as a single mom;
- The house we were living in was still under mortgage;
- The business that Mama and Papa put up, had him (Papa) as the main man for the operation. The forwarding business that the family had was the source of bread and butter for the family.

So the consequences of loosing a loved one who's the breadwinner of the family in the middle of building his empire are the following:

A daughter loosing her Papa - As a student, I really had a hard time concentrating in my studies with all the things going on in our house during that time. I even had our Physics Lab teacher approach me and asked me why my grades were down, when he knew I could do better. I didn't really answer him but just bowed my head down because I knew he was right.

But even with Papa gone, I was able to graduate college without having to work. I remember asking him when I was still a freshman if I could go work part-time and be a working student. And as a working student himself during his time, he didn't allow me. He knew the demands and the hardships of being a working student. Of having to balance the demands of work to those of being a student. Even though he was gone, I was able to graduate from college as a full-time student. How? Because of forward thinking done by my parents.

I was a CAP scholar, so a part of my tuition fee was already addressed. (I know, I know.. Some of you might have had troubles with CAP and other similar institutions, but I recommend that you read my other post regarding pre-need companies to learn more about them.) With my CAP scholarship, only the first 4 years of my college years were partially addressed. My last year in college was paid for by the life insurance proceeds that we received as beneficiaries.

Speaking of life insurance, yes I am a life insurance advocate, that's why I have created a career in the life insurance industry. But one thing that nailed the importance of life insurance in my being was when my Lola (Papa's mama) told me how Papa got hold of a life insurance program a few months prior to his diagnosis.

You see, his life insurance agent approached him and proposed to him a P1.5M policy amount that would cost him around P15,000. To those who still get confused what a policy amount is, that means if ever should something happen to the insured, in this case Papa, the beneficiaries, us, would get P1.5M as a death benefit.

Now, P15,000 back in 2000 was a significant amount already, even today... Considering the different conditions mentioned above that my father was in when he was presented with that proposal, he still decided to take the insurance program. And with that decision he was able to provide the full payment for the house we were living in, I graduated college focused on my studies just as he wished when he was still alive, Mama was able to continue the business for a few months before making the tough decision of going to the United States to find a greener pasture, and all other consequences brought by his life insurance proceeds.

Unfortunately, the insurance proceeds that we received were only good for a few months. But nevertheless, it was able to buy us some time to adjust to the situation - fatherless, a widow, main man is gone in business. Everything changed for us... Tough decisions had to be made...

We do miss him... But at least we have 1 more angel up there looking over us. And he did prove it when I needed it the most - a few days before leaving for my dear son's open heart surgery... (Now that's another story!)

Now, after all those tough decisions made, I can't seem to imagine if my father decided NOT to take the insurance program. Can you?

What if YOU were in my shoes back then? What if YOUR father decided to save off the P15,000, placed it in the bank for "emergency reasons". What would the P15,000 have done for YOUR FAMILY?

What if you were in my father's shoes? What would you do? Can you imagine your kid being fatherless, your  wife being a widow and forced to go out of the country to provide for your orphaned kids?

Papa had no idea that he was going to be diagnosed with the big C a few months after getting the insurance program. But WHAT IF HE DID NOT TAKE IT?? How long would have the P15,000 have lasted for us... It doesn't need a genius to know the answer to that question...

- I would have pretty much ended up a working student, or worst stopped studying altogether;
- My mother would have been forced to sell / close the business immediately as she wasn't really hands-on on the operations, she was more on the admin part.
- My mother would have been forced to sell the house that we were living in since we won't be able to pay the monthly mortgage anymore...
- And so many more consequences that widows and orphans undergo especially here in the Philippines.

So Pa, THANK YOU FOR MAKING THAT LOVING DECISION when you purchased that insurance program. I do hope you help Sir Tony Boy, your agent, adjust to his new life there with you.. And give my thanks to him as well for introducing you to the insurance program. Without Sir Tony Boy, I really don't know where we would be by now...

(Part 2 of this article would be on WHAT IF PAPA DIED IN A DIFFERENT SITUATION? What if we were super rich?? Stay tuned! )